Teaching Kids 2 Clean, pt. 3

The theme of this month is “Kids and Cleaning”. This month, we will discuss ways to teach your kids about responsibility through cleaning and how empowering it can be for children to help out around the house. We cover all sorts of topics, so please keep coming back and send us a message if there is a topic you’d like to see us write about in the future!

This series has four parts. For your convenience, I’ll post a bullet point synopsis at the beginning of each post so you can skim, skip ahead, or cherry pick according to your little heart’s desire!

1st post: About me/my qualifications, reasons why a child should learn to clean.

2nd post: How to get started, they will follow

3rd post: Scheduled game plan

4th post: Rewards and consequences

First things first. You need a plan. Be prepared to be consistent, I’ve read many books and have had 17 years of experience helping to raise children and I am convinced that consistency is in fact more important than the parenting tactics themselves. Without consistency, children WILL learn master manipulation and they won’t actually learn to buckle down and push through when the going gets rough. They will cease to respect and honor authority figures and they will struggle the rest of their lives in one way or another.

Be consistent.

Whether you have older children or a one year old, if they can walk, they can help.

Small children are often on a schedule anyway. I understand that for some families a time set schedule works better and for others, the schedule may be more lose and follow an order for the day rather than set times. Having an order (whether timed or sequenced) will help to ease your child into this process.

Pick one small habit and build from there. Don’t start with a long cleaning list! Just choose one thing for each month and focus on excelling at that alone before adding other tasks.

That one thing could be as simple as having the one year old pick up toys (with you) and praising them for their help or it could mean entrusting the 16 year old to mow and edge the grass weekly. Whether or not you create an allowance and payment system for completing chores is up to you. I am not personally supportive of allowance unless it is for tasks/jobs that are above and beyond the expectations of running a house. No one pays me to do my laundry… the reward is having clean clothes to wear and looking presentable. No one pays me to keep my own picked up… the reward is knowing where everything is and the sense of enjoyment I feel when there isn’t a big mess to look at. Kids should be treated no differently. Teach them to appreciate the rewards the specific chores bring so that they will develop a sense of value to take into adulthood. Remember, you’re not raising children… you’re raising adults. The greatest parents are willing to work themselves out of a job without allowing their adult children to become codependent on them.

Write down the new goal for each child and post it in a central location. You might try a sticker system if you have young children. Ask your child to come up with (or help them to come up with a reminder system for their chores. After age 7-10 (depending on your child and whether or not this is new), your child should be capable of using this system with minimal reminders from you. Teenagers should be capable of using this system with no reminders. Remember, if they can drive a car, have a cell phone, and if they are about to go live on their own in college, they have what it takes.

I find that it helps to schedule time for anything in my life that takes over 15 minutes. That’s right. I have a planner and in addition to work and events I schedule it all. I schedule grocery shopping, doing my nails, working out, shower/wind down time, and even time for writing this blog! I am aware of what items are fixed and what items can be rolled to a different spot because I use a color coordination system for quick glancing. My Mom taught me to keep a schedule when I was 11 years old and I’ve had one ever sense. This may not be your style, but you might choose to say, “After school, you will need to do XYZ before you can have free time” or “Saturday mornings before 1pm are for chores.” Without a plan, your chores are highly unlikely to get done with any consistency and as we mentioned in post number 2, it’s all about consistency.

By keeping some form of a schedule, you’ll find these things become easier to do and you’ll become more efficient when you do them. Your kids will get faster and faster as they go as well. Do not rotate chores until your children master them. Consider getting on a rotation between siblings after they are comfortable with the system as a whole and have gained an expectation for the chores they have been entrusted with.

A coupon book or reward chart can be a fun way for everyone (including you) to enjoy chores.

For your convenience, I’ve put together some suggestions for children based on age. Use your discretion and choose chores that will give them a sense of accomplishment and victory (especially as they are starting out). Don’t expect perfection but continually encourage them to refine their skill. Show enthusiasm for their effort and occasionally step in to make corrections and explain the reasoning.

Chores can be a great time to teach small children colors, numbers, textures, words, and come up with ways to spend time… if you’ve ever been at home with a child for even more than 4 hours, you know what I’m talking about. Chores may help to keep you from pulling your hair out.

0-3 years

Pick up toys after playingTrash help (throwing trash away)Assisting with dishesAllow them to observe you while you do chores. Let them hold things, let them pump the spray, give them a rag to play with while you wipe counters.

This age should not be expected to do any chores well. This is the age where you can demonstrate your enthusiasm. Children 0-3 just want to be near you. They want to watch you. Let them hold the broom or duster after you finish. Cleaning at this age should be about curiosity and enthusiasm. Keep chemicals locked away when not in use and explain that they are to only be used with Mom/Dad because they are dangerous. Explain to them that they are not to each power’s or try liquids.

Children this age should be given 1-3 chores per day.

3-5 years

SweepingDustingRake/bag leavesWipe downs/cleaning up messesHelping to feed and care for animalsHelping to put away groceries Cooking help (get a stool or chair and let them assist)

Obviously children between 3-5 will still need to be supervised and will require coaching. This is also not an age range where you should expect jobs to be done to your standard. The point here is getting kids to begin trying the chore from start to a reasonable end. You’ll likely need to step in and help but give children a chance to try (especially if they are showing curiosity). Explain to them how much you appreciate their help and if you need to assist in order to get a job done, tell them that you’d like to return the favor by helping them finish. I’ve found that most children in this age group do not have the attention span for more than a few minutes so I usually wait for them to get bored to step in so that it

doesn’t seem like I don’t value the attempt.

Children this age should be given 1-3 chores per day.

5-8 years

Small cleaning tasks (some of this may depend on a child’s height and strength)Laundry sorting (colors)Simple gardening tasks (watering plants, supervised weeding)Animal careDustingFloors (may also depend on strength and height)Cooking assistance (great age to teach how to read and follow recipes)Keeping a clean room

In most cases, 5-8 is a good age to expect a child to go from start to finish while supervised. Most children within this age range may be limited by their height. It may be challenging for children to assist putting dishes away if they can’t reach the top shelf.

This is a great age to take your hands off as much as possible while remaining close by. Challenge yourself to empower your child with a “you are so capable” attitude. Don’t take a defeating approach when it comes to consequences. Instead, let the consequences fit the missed/failed opportunity.

Continue to teach children the value of reading instructions and knowing what products work on different surfaces. This is simple but you will find (especially as they become more independent) that your children will make costly mistakes without this guidance. If you start now, you’ll minimize inevitable mistakes and damages.

9-12 years

Getting mail Weeding/planting/gardeningCleaning (bathrooms, kitchen)Laundry (that’s right… they are ready)Cooking with minimal assistance (baking and cooking - I was grilling, baking, and knew how to follow a recipe by 10 years old… they’ve got this if you take time to teach them)Childcare assistance (if you have younger kids, recruit older ones to help out or even babysit for short periods of time)

I don’t know about you, but at 10 years old, I was allowed to stay home alone for short amounts of time. By 12, I could spend the day alone. If a child has been trusted with hormones by God, they can be trusted with a lot of other things.

At this age, I would encourage you to only step in when necessary. Let your kids fail a little. Let them miss it a few times. If you need to crack down, do it… but strongly encourage them to be independent and to be proud of their ability to be responsible. Encourage them to take initiative and when they do, reward them for their efforts.

Skill wise, this is an age where jobs should be done well but maybe not consistently perfect. You may need to make corrections here and there but overall, children should be capable of doing must household chores with minimal intervention or corrections at this age. They will likely still need time management guidance but try to give them as much space as possible to give them room to grow into a greater capability of responsibility.

Children this age should have 5-10 responsibilities per day. Keep in mind, these may be very small things (getting the mail, taking out the trash, etc. the point isn’t turning your kids into slaves… it’s giving them a mentality of responsibility and bolstering their sense of self worth through allowing them to help contribute to the needs of the family). Children this age should be given choices for what chores they prefer and what chores they would like to be responsible for. If your kids want to trade off, offer them a chance to create a schedule for how often they will trade their chores.

12-15 years

Family or personal meal prepBill pay assistance (this is a great way to teach the value of money)Mowing/edging (more challenging lawn work)Laundry without assistance (if your kid can be trusted with a car or to stay home alone, they should be able to use a washer and dryer). Deep cleaning/irregular chores that are scheduled by month/quarter/yearCar cleaning Part time job (even if they are selling friendship bracelets, try to encourage them to find creative ways to earn a little extra money).

You have a preteen/pre-driver! Congratulations! At this age, most kids are capable of staying home alone. They should be able to do all the chores they are responsible for.

By this point, chores should be a way of life. They should be the basic expectation. I would highly encourage you to focus your child’s attention towards finding ways to utilize their interests and talents to make a little extra money.

Does your son love baseball? Encourage him to give batting lessons on Saturdays. Does your daughter love art? Encourage her to make some entries in a completion or get a booth at an art fair.

This is the age where it is very important to give your children opportunities to begin learning how to work smarter and how to expand. Leading up to this, children need to learn how to work well. Now, they need to learn how to take those principles and apply them in small job opportunities. They may babysit, sell crafts on etsy, give lessons of some sort… whatever they do, encourage them to do it well and to develop it. No, this is not likely to be a long lasting job or career start. The point of encourage work at this young age is to generate conversations and lessons about stewardship so that when they can qualify for an actual summer job and when they are driving, they have a great sense of responsibility and a strong work ethic.

16+

Groceries/errands Car maintenance care for the family (oil changes, taking the car for repairs or repairing if they have the ability/desire)Budgeting and bill payTime management/keeping a schedule/calendar system or some sortPart time/seasonal jobs for other peopleThe sky is the limit

If it’s not obvious, all of the chores are building up to greater and greater opportunities to demonstrate and develop responsibility.

Older teenagers are preparing for college and preparing to live on their own. You will have a couple more years to really instill this mentality and lifestyle before they will be on their own. As a parent, the best thing you can do is to set your child up with the knowledge and resources to be capable of independence.

Sure, in college and young adulthood, they may need some guidance but that is your role… guiding (not parenting). At 18, your child is legally an adult. They are legally able to start a family of their own, buy a home, work full time, and live however they want to live. When a child is no longer under your roof, you don’t get to tell them how to live any more. I know that’s shocking to some. You can cut off support but you can’t come tell them how to live.

It’s up to them.

This 16-18 slot is the time to instill and bless them with the ability to learn valuable life skills that they will need when they move out.

They will need to know how to feed themselves, pay bills, negotiate, read contracts, budget, iron a shirt, basic sewing skills, and how to apply for and keep a job. At this age, they are legally allowed to drive so they should be given extra chores (apart from household chores that they are already responsible for) that instill independence.

Yes, they are going to forget to pay bills and they are going to mess up from time to time… better they do it now while they can still learn these things under your leadership than when they are at the mercy of the world.

Kids this age should be given a few things to be responsible to pay and they should have a way of paying for them (aka a job). Some things you might want your teenager to pay for are: their phone, car expenses, car itself, insurance, and entertainment. If they have a pet, you might have them take responsibility for the cost and care of the pet as well.

Be gentle with your teen and let them fail from time to time. Show them your heart when they do. Be willing to suffer when they hurt and empathize even if they made a really stupid decision. They’ll learn. Don’t be afraid.

Keep in mind, these are just suggestions. Every child and every family is different. There is no judgement and no condemnation for how you choose to parent… but ultimately, it is up to you to ensure your child has been given the resources, knowledge and opportunity to become an adult. There are times when children choose not to. You can be the best parent in the world and still have a child who chooses not to follow your lead or take your help. In these cases, the best thing you can do is loving uphold your boundaries and keep an open heart. Sometimes even the hardest of hearts will turn when they see and experience their own consequences.